The Prank List
by Darkness of 42
Summary: Dimentio is bored. So he decides to prank everyone in Castle Bleck. A series of one shots based on Count Bleck and all his minions, as they face the greatest practical joke massacre ever. Evil actions ensue. Requests over!
1. Count Bleck

**A/N: Yep, I got bored, and thought I might try to flex my comedic muscle. The result: this.**

**Enjoy. I hope.**

* * *

It was time for a meeting in Castle Bleck.

The first to appear was Count Bleck himself, flipping in with the Dark Prognosticus in tow.

Next was his right-hand minion, Nastasia the secretary.

Next, Dimentio teleported in, then Mimi showed up, and finally, late as usual, O'Chunks came out of nowhere.

Count Blecksmiled. "Is everybody here?...asked Count Bleck."

"Unless my math is incorrect..." Dimentio began, with his usual smile. "...then all of your loyal minions are present, my count."

Under his breath, he added. _"...and myself."_

Count Blecklaughed. "Excellent!...exclaimed Count Bleck! You know what time it is, don't you?"

Mimi cheered. "It's time for me to get a cell phone of my own, right?"

Count Bleck stammered. "Er, no, its..."

"Aye, is it time fer me to do some chunking?" O'Chunks guessed.

"No, Count Bleck says..."

"Hey, I like MY idea better! I mean, what if a hot guy decides to call me?" Mimi interrupted.

Nastasia held up her hand. "Um, yeah, if we could just all quite down..."

"Why would anyone call ya?" O'Chunks asked. "Ya never leave the castle, eh, unless its ter go smack around some annoyin' person fer the count, eh?"

"Um, could we just..."

"How DARE you...you...you...BIG DUMMY!"

"Yeah, K, lets all just calm down and..."

"Eh, I'm jus' sayin'."

**CRACK! **"Mimimimimi..."

"Oh, no, not..."

**BLAST!**

Before the heated argument could get out hand, there was a bright flash that distracted the squabbling minions.

"Ah ha ha ha... while I do enjoy watching you two fight like starving lions for a delicious steak, I believe our delightful count called us for a reason, which I believe is to read a new inscription in the Dark Prognosticus?"

Bleck smiled. "Bleh heh heh...Bleck! Thank you Dimentio! Now shall we get to business?"

While Bleck flipped through the pages of the Dark Prognosticus, Nastasiacast a suspicious eye over the magical jester.

"Yeah, Dimentio, you really seem unusually eager to partake in this meeting. Um, is there a reason why?"

Dimentio continued to smile. "Ah ha ha ha! Why Nastasia, I simply want to be a part of this little group. No reason to get all nosy about silly old me!"

"Bleck!" The count exclaimed. "I found it! The next entry in the Dark Prognosticus! Today, my minions, we shall find out the next step in our plot to destroy the universe!"

The count peered down at the page in dark tome, his eyes eagerly soaking up the book's dark secrets.

All of Bleck's minions leaned in close, excitedly awaiting to hear what they would do next in their eternal mission to build the perfect world from the ruins of the universe. It would be glorious! They would loyally follow Count Bleck in his mission for perfection untill the very end of their games.

Silence. Tensions rose. What was the secret that had waited 1,500 years to arrive to their ears?

Count Bleck frowned.

"Uh..." he began. "I am a booger-head...insulted Count Bleck."

Everybody looked stunned. Except Dimentio, who always smiled.

"Uh, count, yeah, I'm on board with what you just said..." Nastasia began. "...but uh, why did you just call yourself a booger-head?"

"Yeah!" O'Chunks shouted. "Why'd ya do that, count?"

Count Bleck looked back and forth from the book to his minions. "It...that...I...That's what was written in the Dark Prognosticus!...spluttered Count Bleck!"

He showed his minions the book. "Count Bleck quotes... _"And so the Dark One shall insult himself with a childish epithet, thus furthering his goal for Utter Ruin of the Universe."_

Mimi giggled. "You know, I think it's kinda cute when he insults himself! Maybe the ol' Prognosticus did it to make the count look cute!"

Dimentio laughed.

"Ah, yes, the Universe always demands the strangest from us, doesn't it? It's almost like a gigantic...ah...prank." Dimentio said, somewhat slyly.

Nastasia pushed up her glasses. "Well, um, maybe if you read some more, maybe it will make sense, count."

Blecknodded, and turned to the next page. "Lets see, murmured Count Bleck... _"To fight against those who oppose the Dark One chosen to bring Ruin, that Dark One must..."_

The Count's yellow eyes widened with shock.

Then...

"F is for Friends who do stuff together, U is for U and me..."

Then he raised his non-arms. "N is for N-y where and N-y time at all..."

"Down here in the deep blue sea!" Mimi finished, giggling happily.

Everyone else, save Dimentio, looked shocked.

"Um, count, yeah, are you on some kind of new medication that's not on my records...?"

Bleck looked horrified. "It...it...told me to sing the first song that I thought of! I don't know why!"

"Great Googly-Woogly, that there book is crazy!" O'Chunks shouted.

Mimi and Dimentio were both smiling. "I love this!" Mimi squealed. "Let's sing it again, Countie! F is for..."

"Quiet Mimi!" Nastasia curtly replied.

"AW!"

Dimentio smiled some more. "Ah ha ha ha! Well, my count, it appears that your destiny has taken an insane twist, like a novel written by someone who's brain is crazy!"

And so it went, each of the Prognosticus's next entries being more ridiculous than the last.

The Dark One must dance the chicken dance.

The Dark One must be over 9,000 plus in awesomeness.

The Dark One must say that they can pwn Chuck Norris.

"What in the name of the Underwhereis this?!!?...Count Bleck yelled!"

"Eh, I'm tellin ya, readin' is fer WEIRDOS!"

"Um, yeah, I can't really explain this, y' know?"

"Tee hee! C'mon, Countie, lets sing again!"

Only Dimentio failed to speak his opinion. He stood on his pillar, with an odd little smile upon his mask-face.

He was thinking. Or, rather, remembering.

**Earlier that day...**

"Bleh...heh...zzz...."

Count Bleck, tired from breaking up yet ANOTHER argument between Dimentio and Mimi (something about the latter's diary), was snoozing in his room.

Then, with a small whizzing sound, a figure materialized in his room.

This figure, aided by magic, floated over to the sleeping count, a wicked grin upon his face.

Dimentio, as it was, gently plucked the Dark Prognosticus, which always floated by the Count, out of the air, and opened it.

Smiling, he flipped to the next page the count was to read at the next meeting, and carefully, ever so carefully, slipped in some of his own pages that he wrote earlier.

Snapping his fingers (which thankfully didn't wake the sleeping Bleck) the pages magically wove themselves into the Prognosticus's binding, then they yellowed and gained the appearance of the rest of the book's pages.

"_Ah ha ha ha!" _The psychotic jester thought. _"And now, my Count, since you have failed to send me on any fun missions lately, you are the first victim of my boredom! Soon,_ _the rest will follow, like sheep who are blind to everything but the authority of their leader!"_

Then, out of nowhere, Dimentio pulled out short piece of paper, titled the Prank List, which had four names scrawled upon it.

Magically, a check appeared next to the first name:Count Bleck.

Dimentio continued to smile, as he envisioned himself as a cat, toying with his food before eating it.

Or, pulling a practical joke on it before betraying it and taking control of it's Chaos Heart in order to destroy the universe.

Give or take.

"_And now, to figure out what I shall do for the next victim. See you at the next meeting, my Count! Ciao!"_

With a silent whoosh, Dimentio teleported out of the sleeping count's room, laughing silently to himself.

**A/N: Yeah, this is what happens when I try to be funny :p**

**Anyway, if you like it, feel free to request which character I should do next,(any of the Count's minions) and what our evil jester should do to them.**

**Anyway, I'm out! Ciao!**


	2. Nastasia

**A/N: Who is our favorite magical jester's next victim? Lets find out...**

_

* * *

_

Creak...

This was the sound of one of the many doors in Castle Bleck opening.

The one opening the door: Nastasia, Chief Secretary and Brainwasher to Count Bleck.

She stepped through the door, into her room. Her eyes gazed longfully at her bed.

It had been a LONG day today. First, O'Chunks attempted to make breakfast for everybody, which resulted in half the kitchen being destroyed. Then she had to help Mimi out after her head failed to return it's normal position (does she LOOK like a chiropractor to you?), then she had to oversee Dimentio as he sang his 5,000 verse pep song as a punishment (all the songs he writes seem to be so cruel and depressing, ironically) and to top it off, Count Bleck accidentally threw away the motivational poster she had spent all night working on for him.

And that was before the work day started.

Nastasia rubbed her eyes, and walked across her large, grey room, she plopped down upon her bed (being ever so careful not to wrinkle the bedsheets, though.)

She hadn't even bothered to take off her glasses. She just sank headfirst into her pillow.

Soon, the temporary solace of sleep would overcome her. Soon, all would be well as she dreamed of a world with no paperwork, no minions to watch over, no punishments or brainwashing or anything.

Just her and, that one person, the one person she loved more than life itself, who was none other than...

_Flutter_

Nastasia managed to pull her head up to see where the sound had come from, and searched for it's source.

She lookd around her room, which happened to be the definition of tidy.

There was a long wrap-around bookshelf, which stretched across three of the room's four walls. The books were organized not by alphabet or color, but by the maximum appearance of tidiness that they gave off. She memorized the order as to easily find what she would need.

Seeing not a binding out of place, Nastasia glanced at the only other object in the room.

On the opposite side of her bed, there was a large desk, which held all of her records, schedules, pens, paper, and general office needs. All organized perfectly, of course.

Nasatsia saw the cause of the disturbance: a piece of paper somehow fell off the desk.

She was tempted to leave it until she woke up, but then she remembered the Great Secretary Motto: Never, even for a second, be even slightly disorganized.

With a loud groan, Nastasia hauled herself up out of her bed, and trudged over to her desk.

It was a fairly large room, so it was a relatively long walk, much to the protest of her aching feet.

"_Yeah, this bites."_ She thought groggily, as she finally reached the desk.

As she reached down to pick up the paper, her sore back seemed to literally groan with protest.

Then, she placed the paper upon the stack, making absolutely sure that the edges all matched up.

Satisfied, she began the walk back to her bed.

_Plop! _Was the sound she made as she gratefully fell upon the soft, fluffy mattress.

"Yeah..." she managed to let out, as comfort finally overcame her.

_Flutter_

Groaning, as it was hard to even lift her head at this point, Nastasia looked back at her desk.

_The paper fell off again._

Cursing to herself, she got up, and, feeling even worse, she trudged over, and placed it back.

Then, groggily, she got out a paper clip, and fastened the papers together.

"Yeah, your not going anywhere, k?" She told the troublesome papers.

The papers failed to respond.

Nastasia trudged back to her bed, but right as soon as she plopped on her bed...

**SNAP! **_Flutterflutterflutter_

_The paper clip snapped, and ALL the papers fell off. _

Nastasia forced herself to roll out of bed, and, looking like a zombie, plodded over to the papers.

She gathered them up, neatly placed them together, and shoved them in a drawer, which she forcefully slammed shut.

This action, in her current state, made Nastasia feel just like Rambo.

Then she trudged back to her bed AGAIN, plopped down, and...

_Flutter flutter flutter_

"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY!" Nastasia yelled.

She got up, and, half crawling, walked over her desk, checked for papers.

To her frustration, none had managed to fall down. This little trip was for nothing.

"Nastasia, you're going...to go...crazy...if you don't...sleep..." she groggily told herself. "Yeah...k...your already...zzz...talking to...yourself....must...must...mustard of doom...

The secretary laid down on the cold, carpetless floor next to her desk, and began snoring.

_**BANG!**_

The sudden noise made Nastasia jump up, though her aching bones instantly making her regret it.

Suddenly, pen-holding tin fell over.

The pens leaked on some of Nastasia's records that were on the desk face.

Then the lamp fell off.

Next, all of the desk's legs suddenly broke at the same time.

The paper clips magically got bent out of shape.

And to top it off, the drawer holding the troublesome papers suddenly blew apart, scattering the said papers across the room.

Nastasia's groggy brain saw something amongst the debris...a face.

A very angry, evil looking face, it's mouth curled into a smile.

The secretary felt afraid, but chose not to show it.

"Yeah...k...listen...well..." she mumbled to the imaginary monster.

I..will not...stand for...this...I...am...Count Bleck's....secretary....so you...better...not...get...in...my..."

Before she could finish, everything fell to chaos.

The extremely long bookshelf suddenly collapsed, the pages of the books ripping out on impact, and flying across the room.

The pages suddenly gathered, and started swirling as if they were in a vortex.

And Nastasia was at the center.

The tired secretary tried to peer the swirling maelstrom of paper, but the whiteness was near blinding in the dark room.

She heard evil laughter.

The secretary's tough mind finally snapped, and Nastasia ran into the dark halls of Castle Bleck, screaming all the way.

* * *

"Bleh heh heh...soon, you shall belong to Count Bleck, tasty sandwich!"

Bleck was in Castle Bleck kitchen, raiding the fridge for a midnight snack.

Even villainous tools of the Dark Prognosticus get hungry.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Right before the peanut-butter and jalapeño sandwich was to sliver down the count's throat, he heard the screaming. And it was getting closer.

"What is THAT?...exclaimed Count Bleck."

Then the source of the screaming ran into the kitchen

Bleck looked worried. "What's the matter Nastasia?... Count Bleck asked."

The secretary, hair frazzled, glasses askew, blue skin paled, and trembling, pointed down the hall.

"It...bed...paper...pen...clips...ink...monster....PAPER..."

Then she hugged the count, much to his surprise.

"Save me...count...k?...zzz...."

She fell asleep in the count's grasp, where they would remain until morning, when Nastasia would apologize curtly, straighten herself out, and get right to work.

Back at Nastasia's room, laughter echoed across the dull grey walls.

"Ah ha ha ha! Now my boredom is lessened, like a math problem that is about subtraction!"

Appearing out of nowhere, Dimentio, Master of Dimensions, floated down to the ground.

"Ah, yes, who knew that my invisibility powers could be used for so much more than eavesdropping! Ah ha ha ha!"

Then the jester pulled out a short piece of paper, entitled "the Prank List", and gazed at one of the four names scrawled upon it.

Magically, a check appeared next to the second to the top name: Nastasia.

Putting the list away, the insane jester picked out a random piece of paper that was floating around, and out of curiosity, looked at it.

He smiled in surprise.

"_Minion Orientation Tomorrow: Mr. L."_

"Ah ha ha ha! It looks like we are getting a new minion that I can add to the List...excellent!"

Then he held up his hands in a theatrical fashion.

"And the show ends for now! Until next time, I, Dimentio, Pleaser of Crowds, will say this to you...ciao!"

And with a snap of his fingers, the jester teleported out of sight, plotting against the next victim on his list.

**

* * *

A/N: I can't really tell if I just broke the Fourth Wall, or if Dimentio is just talking to himself cuz he happens to be crazy. Maybe a little bit of both. Poor Nastasia!**

**So I'm still asking for requests, and now that includes Mr. L! I would like to thank a certain Flowerstar for reminding me about him! So thank you! **

**Until next time, Ciao!**


	3. Mimi

**A/N: Not much to say. Enjoy!**

* * *

Count Bleck stared into a mirror.

He ran his hand over his white cloak, admiring how amazing it looked on him.

"Don't I just look ADORABLE!" He said to himself, adjusting his monocle. "I mean, look how soft and huggable I am now! YAY!"

Behind him, someone opened a door.

"Mimi?" A voice called into the dark room. "It's Nastasia, I..."

The secretary paused as she saw Bleck.

"Oh, count, er, hi, um...Wait, is that you, or, um, Mimi?"

The count frowned angrily. "NASTASIA, how could you not recognize your dear employer?...spat Count Bleck!"

The secretary almost dropped the package she was holding. "Oh, um, yeah, I'm SO sorry, count. Yeah, I didn't sleep too well last night, y'know, 'k, and..."

_**POOF!**_

With a cloudy burst, the snazzy Count Bleck was suddenly replaced by a cute, green, and slightly pixelated young girl.

"Silly Nassy!" She said. "It's just me, Mimi!"

Nastasia frowned. "Yeah, don't do, that, 'K?" She said angrily. "Because I already embarrassed myself enough in front of the esteemed count enough last night, K? I spent the whole night cradled in his arms because of that stupid nightmare, and do you know how unprofessional that is?"

Mimi pouted. "I'm sorry." She said, looking so adorably sad.

Nastasia felt her heart warm up. "No, I'm sorry. I guess all the weird things going on here are getting to my head, y'know? Yeah, like the whole tampered Prognosticus thing and all that."

She then presented the package she was holding. "Anyway, yeah, Dimentio came by, and asked me to give this to you. He said he would've done it himself, but he had to go sort out a few things in the Land of the Cragnons, so...yeah."

She placed the package on a table, and headed out the door, before turning back to the young shape-shifter.

"Oh, um, why were impersonating Count Bleck? Just, y'know, curious."

Mimi suddenly went from sad and sweet to angry and tantrum-prone.

"None of your beeswax!" She shouted. "Now if you'll EXCUSE me, I could use some privacy!"

Nastasia looked confused for a moment, then shrugged and walked out into the Castle Bleck halls.

Mimi sighed, and flopped on her silky pink bedsheets. She couldn't tell Nastasia that she was, in fact, admiring Count Bleck's good looks using her own powers. And she certainly couldn't tell the secretary about how she was secretly harboring a crush on the esteemed count, despite the fact that he was WAY too old for her. Also, apparently he has feelings for someone else, but she had know idea who.

The young shape-shifter always felt slightly sad when thinking about this, so she decided to take her mind off it by looking at the mysterious gift Dimentio had sent.

She held up the brown-wrapped package, and with the restraint of a eager child on her birthday, ripped it open.

In the dark, she was unable to tell what the small, slender object was.

She clapped her hands, turning on the lights, revealing a room that was somewhat of a cross between a normal teenage girl's room and a torture chamber, with posters of interdimensional boy bands lining the pink walls, and fearsome spiky Rubees jutted out of the wall edges.

It was a pen. Dimentio had given Mimi a black and white pen, with a bobbling jester-head in place on the tip.

"_Pfff, that stupid-head."_ Mimi thought. _"Why did that dumb clown give me this?"_

Then she noticed the not that had fallen into her lap.

_Dearest Mimi,_

_I do hope you enjoy this special little gift. I suppose you could say it's an apology for all those times I messed with your diary. I embarrass you, you beat me up. Good times, ah ha ha ha! This pen is filled with ink that has a touch of my signature magic in it. You'll see soon enough._

_Yours forever and truly,_

_Dimentio, Pleaser of Crowds._

The flowing cursive was ended in a rather creepy smiley face.

Mimi threw the pen and note aside, and decided to just lie on her bed until something happened.

Two minutes later, her attention span failed, and she decided to go write in her diary.

Grabbing the weird pen just to try it out, the shape-shifter skipped over to her desk, got the book out of her secret compartment, opened it to the first blank page, and began to write.

_Dear Diary._

_Ugh, what a day! Those stupid Heros of Light dummies got ANOTHER Pure Heart today. Boy, the count was sure steamed by that! You know, he's quite cute when he's angry! But when isnt he? Tee hee!_

_Anyway, we got a new minion today, called Mr. L, I think. He's so annoying! Right after he got whupped by those heros, he had the NERVE to call us junior minions. JUNIOR! Golly, I just wanted to crack my head off and chase him down like a silly old fly!_

Mimi tapped the pen against her desk, wondering how to finish the entry.

_Anyway, bottom line, the count is still sweet, O'Chunks is a doofus, Nastasia is still way too overworked, I think, and Dimentio is still creepy! I think he's got "issues", if you know what I mean!_

_Speaking of Dementi-dork, he gave me a new pen. Thats nice, I guess. I just wish someone would get me something __EXPENSIVE__, like say, a new sparkly outfit? With kitten pictures on it! YAY!_

_Anyway, ttyl,_

_Mimikins 3_

Mimi signed off with a little heart. The pen felt nice and smooth.

Then out of boredom, Mimi decided to pick out an outfit to wear for the next day.

"_Herm, I wonder what dull dull dull outfit I should wear today." _The young shape-shifter thought sadly.

Mimi was in an unfortunate predicament where she had started to wear all her outfits more than once, andwas tired of it. I mean, come ON, there was only, like, what, five hundred? Sheesh.

Then, amidst all the worn skirts and blouses, she saw it.

Something she had never, EVER seen before.

A dress. A black, sparkly dress. With pictures of anime-style kittens all over it.

Mimi squealed in delight, amazed that she had gotten what she wanted after just writing it down!

At this point, she stopped squealing.

"_Written it down..."_Mimi thought, and then remembered Dimentio's note.

"_This pen if filled with ink that has a touch of my signature magic in it. You'll see soon enough."_

Putting two and two together, the young girl ran over to her desk, pulled out her precious diary and the rather disturbing jester-pen, and wrote a little P.S.

_P.S I want a new bottle of perfume, some hair clips, and some jewelry, please!_

There were three small pops.

Mimi looked back at her room and squealed some more.

Lying on her bed was a large bottle of the famed fragrance known as _Demented._

There was a huge, piano sized bag of hair clips next to her bed.

And of course, gold necklaces and silver rings were strung around the bed like shiny, silky bedsheets.

Mimi, her excited juvenile mind ignoring every suspicious aspect of this situation, proceeded to write some more.

* * *

**Much later**

"Tee hee! This is the best day EVER! Wouldn't you agree, Chompy?" Mimi asked her new Chain Chompwawa, which lived in her new sequin purse.

"Arf arf!" The tiny toothy sphere replied.

Mimi had conjured up her own little paradise, filled with stuffed animals full of gold threads in place of cotton, autographed photos from the hottest teen idols in all the worlds, and more jewry and dresses than the average mind could hope to comprehend.

Next Mimi thought she might actually get some hunky lifeguards to give her a foot massage.

_Okay Diary, next Mimikins wants a ni-_

Suddenly, the ink from the stopped flowing.

"Oh! Oh no!" Mimi cried. "Please work! PLEAAAAAAAAASE!"

Chompy tinkled with fright.

Mimi took out a piece of paper and began scribbling frantically.

After a little bit, ink started coming out again.

"Oh, good!" Mimi said to herself. Then it dawned on her.

Once the magic ink ran out, she wouldn't be able to make more wishes. And she doubted that annoying jerk Dimentio would make any more for her.

"This could be my last wish." Mimi thoughtfully said aloud to herself. "I better make it good."

So the shape-shifter sat at her desk, thoughtfully chewing the pencil tip and stroking her designer Chomp, which playfully nipped at her fingers. Or finger, as she has stick arms.

"I GOT IT!" She suddenly yelled, making the poor Chomp tinkle with fright again.

She grabbed the amazing pen, and with a grin on her face wrote down her greatest wish.

"_I want t Count Bleck to fall in love with me!"_

And with that, the pen finally gave out.

Mimi jumped up and down excitedly, waiting for something to happen.

"**ATTENTION MINIONS, REPORT TO THE MEETING ROOM IMMEDIATELY!...ANNOUNCED COUNT BLECK!"** A booming voice called out through the halls. **"COUNT BLECK HAS AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT THAT REQUIRES ALL OF YOU TO BE HERE! ESPECIALLY MIMI! SO...**yeah...**BLECK!"**

Mimi remained silent for a moment. Then with a wide grin upon her square face.

She quickly changed into her favorite bride-style outfit, and skipped off to the meeting room.

* * *

"And that's how me mum's cooking me an intestinal track ter live fer!" O'Chunks concluded, slapping his belly emphasis.

Silence

"Um, fascinating, O'Chunks." Nastasia mumbled.

Mr. L yawned. "Yeah, yeah, you love your mommy and whatnot."

O'Chunks failed to understand the insult, so he took it as a compliment.

"BLECK! Where's Mimi? It is highly uncharacteristic of her to be late!" Count Bleck exclaimed. "This is a topic of utmost importance than involves her! I NEED MIMI!"

"Ah, yes, you are not the only one who wishes to see her, my count!" Dimentio replied. "In fact, here she comes!"

And indeed, she did come.

Mimi wore a long, beautiful, plain white dress that trailed behind her. Her hair held beautiful white ribbons to match.

"Hi everybody!" She yelled " And hello, my count!" She added, slyly.

Everyone stared blankly.

"Ha!" Mr. L shouted. "Kiss-up! I don't need to do that, since, you know, I'm already the Count Bleck's best minion!"

Ignoring the green man, she hopped up onto the Count's pillar.

"Uh Mimi..." Bleck stated nervously, as the green girl sidled up close to him. "Uh, what are doing on my pillar?...asked Count Bleck."

The shape-shifter giggled.

"Oh, I believe you called for me specifically, my count?" She said, stepping closer.

"Uh..."

"Is there something...SPECIAL you wanted to say to me?"

"Um..." Count Bleck spluttered. "I...Mimi...I..."

"Yessssss?" Mimi whispered, batting her eyelashes.

Count Bleck looked nervous. "Um, Mimi...I have to tell you...that...since we spent all those coins on Mr. L's new Brobot, we're cutting our leisure budget down three-fourths, so no more new outfits...announced Count Bleck."

"AWWWW!" O'Chunks whined. "Thats me chest-waxing money!"

Mimi stood with her jaw agape, her wedding-esque dress seemed to dim it's white radiance. "Wait...you mean...you don't...you were going to...tell me....that...NO MORE OUTFITS?!?!"

Count Bleck looked confused. "Um, yes...I thought it was particularly important you were there to hear it, seeing how much you spend with it... Count Bleck wonders why you're standing on my pillar."

Mimi simply stood there for a moment, dazed. Then she whipped around to glare at Dimentio.

"I HATE YOU! AND YOUR STUPID GIFT!...YOU MEANIE!"

Then she turned to the rest of the minions. "AND I HATE ALL OF YOU,TOO! LIFE ISNT FAIR!"

Then she turned to Count Bleck. "BOYS ARE IDIOTS!"

Then she jumped down to the floor, and ran out of the room, crying.

Everyone stared for a moment.

"L-ame." Mr. L said.

Nastasia turned to Dimentio. "Yeah, K, she seemed to mention you, if I recall. And a gift. Mind if you informed us exactly whats with Mimi today, hmm?"

The jester smiled. "Ah ha ha ha! I am not knowing what that little girl was talking about! The young mind is as confused as a hyena waking up under the ocean!"

Count Bleck frowned. "I hope Mimi is alright, though I'm not sure what I said...mumbled Count Bleck."

"Eh, wait a minute!" O'Chunks called out. "About me chest-waxing money..."

Everyone scattered quickly.

* * *

Mimi was lying on her bed, tear-stains streaking her pillow, sound asleep.

In her sadness-driven slumber, she failed to notice the floating form teleporting into her room.

"Ah..." It whispered silently to itself. "This little stunt worked out even better than I expected!"

Dimentio floated over to the diary, which Mimi had thrown against the wall.

"How unfortunate for our resident shape-shifter that she failed to notice me hovering above her, invisibile, reading her diary as she wrote it...."

Then he waved his arms, making the jewels, dresses, and even the tiny chomp, disappear in the air.

"...and creating illusions of whatever she wanted!" Dimentio whispered aloud. "Magic ink indeed!"

Then he floated over to Mimi, grinning wickedly.

"Sleep well, for when you awake, all your dreams will have vanished, like a hot dog in the mouth of a starving jackal!"

Then he waved his arms.

"And so shall I! To the next victim!"

He teleported just as soon as Mimi woke up, rubbing her eyes, unprepared to be greeted with a very unpleasant surprise.

* * *

**A/N: Why are villains so much more fun to write about than the good guys? Somebody answer me that!**


	4. O'Chunks

**A/N: Sorry, had to re-upload this quickly. O'Chunks's accent is EVIL. Enjoy! **

* * *

"Rah rah rah...it's time fer teh count's..."

"Yeah, O'Chunks, please... "teh" is not a word. Please be as grammatically correct as YOU can muster, k?"

O'Chunks took a deep breath, and using all the mental powers that he possessed, attempted to use proper vocabulary.

"Rah rah rah...it's time fer...THE...Count's victory/ Ya ya ya...the Count is the best, as you can see."

Nastasia checked off a mark on her clipboard..

"Right, lets see...only five thousand three hundred and forty two more times."

O'Chunks sighed. This was the second time the big guy was forced to recite a motivational song for punishment. This time, however, he had no idea what the heck he DID to deserve it.

While he would never figure out the whole story, you can. It goes something like this.

* * *

Bang Bang Bang!

Dimentio awoke from his slumber with a groan.

"Now who makes the racket which keeps me awake, like a great noxious bird of...oh, screw it, who the Fracktail is waking me up and this awful hour?"

He floated wearily, in his purple pajamas, and opened the door with a snap of his fingers.

Beyond it, was O'Chunks glaring with a fierce gaze.

"Yer in fer it now, ya two-bit, lyin' clown!" He shouted angrily.

"And what, might I ask, could you possibly be refering to?" Dimentio groaned.

"I know about yer plan to overthrow teh Count and destroy teh world!" O'Chunks shouted. "Ya left yer filthy journal lyin' around teh coffee table, and I happened to have a glance at it, and what does it say? IT SAYS KILL COUNT BLECK AND STEAL THE CHOAS HEART AFTER LUNCH ON THIS DAY."

He waved the said journal around for emphasis.

Dimentio yawned. "First off, "teh" is not a word. Second, I happen to have been asleep. How rude of you."

The jester yawned. O'Chunks tapped his foot impatiently.

"And third, and finally, if you found out about my little scheme, why didn't you alert the Count about it?"

O'Chunks's brain fizzled out for a moment at this revelation, then he quickly recuperated himself.

"Eh, I don't the Count te take care of ya! I could take ya with two of me smackers..." he waved his fists around. "...tied around two of me backs!"  
With a furious roar, the beefy man swung his arm at the hovering jester.

Snap!

With amazing reflexes, Dimentio managed to snap his fingers, with O'Chunks mighty fist inches aways from his face.

What Dimentio had done was magically place a mind-bending Floro Sprout upon O'Chunks head, locking his nervous system in place.

He then picked his journal out the frozen Scot's hand, flipping through it worryingly.  
"Oh dear..." he stated. "I must remember to not be so careless with my possessions. Had it not been this oaf who found out, the Count himself might have been on my tail, ah ha ha!"

He looked at the still frozen O'Chunks furious expression.

"Now I'll have to tweak the poor boy's memory a bit and..."

Suddenly he gave a particularly wide grin. He just thought of the perfect way to fulfill the next task on his Prank List.

He snapped his fingers again, and the Floro Sprout responded by spreading it's roots to particular sectors of O'Chunks tiny brain.

He waved his hands in a theatrical fashion.

"Farewell, my chunky friend! Your meddling has caused your early victim-hood to my malicious jokes!"

He spun around, just for the effect.

"And as a result, I say this: Enjoy your new life! Ciao!"

And O'Chunks's body was suddenly gone, teleported to places unknown.

Dimentio laughed heartily, picked up his journal, and went to bed. He had pleasant dreams ofblowing stuff up.

* * *

**Fort Francis, Midnight**

It was midnight in Fort Francis. The MeowMaids were patrolling the dotted halls in  
the absence of their master.

All was quiet.

Knock knock!

Until someone knocked on the door.

One of the catlike robots walked up to the fort's entrance, and opened the door.

Standing outside was a gigantic man, looking more or less completely hopeless.

"Eh, could ya help me?" the man asked the tiny robot. "Er, I seem to be lost, and, er, sum-ting else....oh yeah, can ya tell me who I am?"

The stupid machine yelped with delight. "MASTER! You have returned!"

The burly man looked surprise. "Eh...master?"

The little robot purred. "Why, of course, we always recognize our creator!" It said wrongly.

The man's eyes rolled upward, then he tugged at his beard, and fiddled around  
with the strange sprout growing out of the top of his head.

"Eh, yer sure that I'm yer master?"

The little robot nodded.

"Well, alrigh' then, I'll give 'er a whirl then."

The little robot gave a yelp of happiness, motioned for the man to come in, and shut the door behind him.

Inside the pixel-styled castle, a couple dozen MeowMaids burst forth, clamoring lovingly at the heels of the burly figure.

"Master, I took the liberty to polish all of your Crystal Star replicas, and organized them in the order of how much you hate the color."

"Master, I bought a full scale replica of Bowser's flying fortress, made out of your favorite brand of toothpicks off the internet."

"Master, I trained myself not to make hairballs."

As all the robotic chatter went on, a tiny particle of reason floated in the brawny man's brain.

"Ya big idiot!" it tried to say. "That clown Dimentio tricked ya! Ya don't really care 'bout all this garbage! Ya gotta go warn the Cou-"

The Floro Sprout suddenly twitched, and nipped at the this bit of consciousness, silencing it.

The new master of Fort Francis asked to be escorted to bed, which one of the maids helped with.

Just before he was to fall asleep, the little robot whispered something.

"Oh, and master, I saved this bit for last..." it began, excitedly. "...I took the liberty of hacking the Bitland's shipping network through the forum URL, and..." it seemed to giggle..."I managed to manipulate certain records in it's data banks. They shall be shipping you a copy of "Starship X-naut" Season three platinum edition, including the bonus episode "Rise of Crump" TEN MONTHS before it is to be released into stores! Are you proud of me, master?"

The little robot's assumed master responded with a snore.

* * *

For many weeks, the clueless man did what was expected of him.

He complained about video games he never played on the Internet.

He complained about television shows that have yet to premiere on the Internet

And he complained about nerds complaining about stuff on the Internet.

He also did other extremely nerdy things that his robots told him he always did. But something seemed wrong.

"What is wrong, my master?" One of the MeowMaids asked one day.

The man scratched his head. "Eh, I'm not real sure I'm yer master. After all, I did all teh stuff ya told me ter do, and it di'int jog me memory."

The MeowMaid made and anxious sound. "Master, "teh" is not a word. And of course your our master. We would NEVER mistake anyone else for you. We LOVE you."

Then another one of the little robots waddled out. "Yes master...we LOVE you."  
And another. "LOVE...YOU."

Slowly, more MeowMaids came out the Fort's many corners. The gathered at his feet, clawing lovingly. "LOVE...We LOVE you...don't leave master...precious....LOVE...don't leave...stay with us...FOREVER....We LOVE you...."

The voices merged into a chorus of robotic horror. The Master covered his ears, but the voices came anyway, proclaiming their love...so much love....

"GREAT BOGGLY WOODS, I GOTTA GET MESELF OUTTA HERE!"

He ran as fast he could, plowing through dozens of horrible catlike robots, asking him to love them back.

Almost at the door...

Reached out...

And blew the pixelated gate of it's hinges.

And just as he was about to dash out into the Bitlands, he noticed something.

The horrible voices stopped.

He dared to turn back to see why.

The robotic maids were staring at his feet.

Or rather, at the brown package that he just noticed was by his feet.

Out of curiosity, the Master picked up the package, and with a mighty pull, ripped  
it open.

A bunch of packing peanuts fell out. And in them midst of them...

The Master gasped. He picked it up delicately, like it was a newborn child. It couldn't be...

The stolen platinum edition of "Starship X-naut, season three"! With the bonus episode "Rise of Crump!"

The cover was shiny.

The plastic protecting it was smooth.

It had six glorious discs, and over 9000 hours of bonus features.

A word formed upon the master's lips. The nagging sensation he kept experiencing tried to forbid it, but it finally gave way to the powerful influence of the Floro Sprout.

The Master shouted out this word to the heavens, to the delight of his robotic servants.

"HI-TECHNICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!"

* * *

Nastasia poked her head into the room guarded by the Kitty-Laser guarded door.

"Hello?" She called. "O'Chunks? Are you here?"

Weeks earlier, the muscular man had simply disappeared without a trace. The entire group had spent a lot of time looking for him when they could've been working on fulfilling the prophecy of the Dark Prognosticus, which had made the Count quite angry. And what made the Count angry made Nastasia angry as well.

Then Dimentio claimed to have received a tip that O'Chunks was hanging out somewhere in the vicinity of the gigantic Bitlands castle, known as Fort Francis. He refused to elaborate on where he received the tip, only stating that it was from a much valued source.

So, Nastasia had been sent their to look for him.

"Hello?" She called out, noticing a large greenish figure standing at the back of the room. "Yeah, sorry to intrude, sir, but your kitty door-thing let me in. Have you seen a fat dolt anywhere around here?"

The figure swung around to face Nastasia, who gasped in horror.

It was O'Chunks, his skin tinted with a slight shade of green, wearing a yellow mushroom tagged shirt and a large pair of spiral glasses.

The secretary decided not to be fazed by this. "YOU! Where have you been? We've spent all this time looking for you, and your here playing dress up in someone else's castle..."

"HOT BABE ALERT! In my room!" O'Chunks shouted.

The secretary decided to be fazed by this. "Wha-WHAT?!?"

"Nerr...nerr...this is so SCHWEET!" O'Chunks mumbled. "A real babe in my castle!  
Nerr...wheres a twelve-gig laptop when a lizard needs it?"

"What?!? Lizard?!? Yeah, k, what are prattling about now?"

Suddenly, the burly man gave a cry of triumph.

"SCHWEET! I found it. Activate V2! Nerr2Babe interface, activate!"  
Suddenly, Nastasia found herself standing in a pink chamber, with oddly calm music playing.

"Um, O'Chunks, yeah, what are you DOING?!?"

O'Chunks gulped. "Nerr...my name isn't O'Chunks...oh what to say...sweatles forming...nerr...its Francis. And...your...a HOT BABE...nerr...so hi-technicaaal!"

A computer menu popped out of nowhere. O'Chunks looked through the options before selecting "Talk to Hot Babe."

"Nerr...whats your name?"

Nastasia narrowed her eyes. "You can call me..." She peeked through a list of options. Then she gave a cruel smile.

"...Annoyed." She selected "Hypnotize and Punish."

ZAP!

"NERR! GAH!"

A ring of hypnotic rays surrounded the nerdified Scot.

"Nerr...that hurt...like when mother spanks me for being naughty..."

ZAP!

"Nerr...Ah, that felt...Nerr...what beard tweaking lass, eh...Nerr..."

ZAP!

The Floro Sprout on O'Chunks head withered and died at that final blast of hypnotic strength. The program shattered, transporting the two back to the pixel-styled room.

The burly man gave a cry of pain, and fell down on his stomach, shaking the whole Fort as he did. His skin turned back to its shade of dull white, and his glasses where blown across the room.

He looked up at the secretary with dazed eyes. "Eh....M-miss N-Nastasia...? W-what teh heck happened?"

Nastasia glared at the burly man, with the kind of glare that is so cold and frightening that it can only be achieved by serial killers and professional administrators.

"Teh..." She said coldly. "...is not a word.

* * *

And so...

"Rah rah rah, its time fer the Count's..."

Whoosh!

Dimentio was suddenly there, standing on his pillar with a large smirk on his face.

Nastasia pushed up her glasses. "Um, Dimentio, yeah, what do need?"

"Ah ha ha ha!" The jester laughed. "I was under the impression that there was a  
dying animal being pushed through a blender headfirst!" He looked up at O'Chunks. "Ah. But it turns out to be our local muscle-head attempting to sing. How disappointing."

O'Chunks glared at the jester. Something deep inside him told him that Dimentio  
was somehow responsible for his current punishment. He just didn't know HOW.  
He remembered something about seeing a book on the coffee table, but after that...nothing.

"I'll get ye fer this, whatever ye did, ye little freak." He muttered, mostly to himself.  
"O'Chunks! You have four-thousand, five-hundred and forty-ONE more verses to go."

O'Chunks sighed. "Rah rah rah..."

Dimentio grinned some more, knowing that back at his room a check was magically appearing next to the second-to-last name on the Prank List.

"Ciao!" He said, and with a whoosh, was gone.

* * *

"Nerr...Oh, MeowMaids...your hi-technicaaal master is home!"Francis called out to his little robot servants as he entered through the Fort doors.

"Nerr...the hospital only had three hundred channels in my room. I couldn't wait to get to my digitally-assisted cable with three hundred and TWELVE channels! And now, did you guys remember to record..."

"Intruder Alert! Intruder Alert!" One of the MeowMaids cried. "We always recognize our master, and you are not him! All systems attack!"

Francis was hospitalized once more, for blood loss, second degree burns, and very serious boo-boos.

**A/N: Okay, requests are officially closed! Only one villain left, and I already have him planned out! Until next time, ciao!**


	5. Mr L

****

A/N: Man, this one was hard to edit. But it was still fun, though! Enjoy, tons of non-Super Paper Mario references! I'm not sure if this is the best chapter, but I like it, and I hope you do too.

**I own nothing.**

* * *

Mr. L was not breathing

The reason was because if he did, he could die.

He was working on assembling the Brobot's Magnetic Distorto-Boom Reactor, which was so sensitive, that any movement could trigger it's explosive properties.

Easy...easy...

He sneezed. Not a good thing.

And he jumped out of the way, Matrix style, ducking underneath a nearby table just as the device exploded.

_BOOM!_

The whole castle rattled.

Mr. L peeked looked out from underneath the table, to see that the Brobot was almost completely destroyed.

"DANGITALLTO...L..." The masked man yelled.. That was the third part he blew up this week. If he couldn't fix the Brobot, then he couldn't serve the Count, and the Overthere forbid that he would ever fail Count...

"Bleck."

Mr. L jumped three feet into the air, then spun around.

"Er...C-count Bleck...sir..."

The Count looked down at his minion with a fierce gaze.

"BLECK! You have caused yet another explosion that destroys my castle's decor!...cried Count Bleck!"

Mr. L stammered, feeling unusually nervous"Er...I'm sorry, my Count...it was, uh...Dimentio's fault! Yeah, I mean, how could I be responsible for...all these...explosions...oh, oh man..."

The Count stared down at his trembling minion, a fierce glimmer in his monocle.

"You know what Count Bleck has to do now?" He asked coldly.

Mr. L gulped.

"Bleh heh heh....Count Bleck will show you how to behave around here..." He paused. "by...."

Mr. L felt fear grip his heart. What could the Count possibly do to him that was so horrible that he had to build up drama?

"...sending you on an all-expense paid vacation BLECK!"

Mr. L gaped.

Count Bleck smiled. "Bleh heh heh!...I think you need some time away from work, Mr. L! So, Count Bleck has arranged to send you on a week-long trip to Poshley Heights! What say you, asked Count Bleck?"

Mr. L gaped. "V-vacation, my Count? B-but what about the Prophecy...?"

"Nonsense, exclaimed Count Bleck! Here!" He handed the Green Thunder seven gold tickets. "These shall each earn you one night at the Poshley Inn! Now, Count Bleck says go, have fun, and enjoy yourself!"

Mr. L gaped some more. "B-but...Brobot...the Prophecy...the Pure Hearts...how can you send me out on a VACATION at critical time like this?!?"

The Count smiled. "Because Count Bleck wants his minions to feel their best when they kill millions of people by ending the whole universe! BLECK! Now go...thats an order!"

Not wanting to disobey his beloved boss, Mr. L ran off for the nearest dimensional rift.

The Count stood there for a moment, reflecting.

Then, a shadowy figure floated out from one the nearby mirrors hanging out in the hall. It seemed to be chuckling with a sick, heartless laugh.

"Congratulations, my friend!" It addressed to the Count. "You have done your job well...AND with flair, I might add!"

Count Bleck frowned. "Don't call me your friend, slick."

_Poof!_

Suddenly, the Count was replaced by a small figure, dressed in a white sheet, a party hat, and a bow tie.

It was Doopliss, the duplighost.

The figure, who was Dimentio, laughed."Ah ha ha! And now, to finish my list! I shall end the show with a tremendous bang that leaves the crowds gaping in horror, to bring a satisfactory end to my great saga of malicious games! I shall please the crowds beyond the screen, as my closing act begins!" He twirled around theatrically.

Doopliss snorted. "Whatever slick, I just want that free cable you promised me. The Creepy Steeple only gets PBS these days, I'm about ready to shoot Elmo with "the-number-of-the-day" sized rounds, if you know what I mean."

Dimentio grinned. "Ah ha ha, feeling violent, are we? Once your task is complete, I shall fulfill my end of the bargain, like a salesman who is actually truthful!"

"Okay then, what do I have to do?"

"I will tell you some of the other resident's deepest secrets. I want you to be disguised as that annoying man, Mr. L, and use those secrets to act rude, cruel and childish towards the other the other inhabitants of this castle."

He grinned. "In other words, be yourself."

"Har har."

* * *

Mr. L stood on a perfectly manicured lawn.

He just arrived at Poshley Heights, as the Count had ordered him. After a little though, the Green Thunder decided that he DID deserve a vacation, and decided to gratefully accept his trip to the Heights. As odd as the sudden vacation might seem.

The Heights looked so happy, peaceful, and quite a bit upscale. Mr. L intended to change all that.

"Ah ha! The Green Thunder shall seize this little pish-posh place, and give it the L-power it's been asking for!"

But first, he needed to find his way around.

Noticing a family of Bob-ombs standing around a house, the Green Thunder decided to ask them for directions.

In his own way, of course.

"Hey, you three! Yeah, with the fuses! You wanna help a celebrity?" Mr. L spun on his heels. "...Because I ain't one. The name is Mr. L, the Green Thunder, and I'm gonna give this town a taste of true L-power!"

The gold-colored Bob-omb, who happened to be the fabulously rich Goldbob turned to his wife. "Sylvia, dear, when did they start letting riff-raff into the Heights?"

The silver Bob-omb, aka Sylvia, took a good look at the masked man. "Maybe it's a new custodian, or something..."

"I want a hot dog! And stock rights! And a blimp! And Glitzville! And the Excess Express! And hot sauce! And..." The young bronze Bob-omb, known as Bub, whined.

Mr. L looked irritated. "You dare to insult the power of L? Have at you!"

He took out a fire flower from his pocket, crumpled it up, and threw it at the gold bomb.

The natural fire-reactive properties of all Bob-ombs took over, and Goldbob blew up.

"OooOoh..." he moaned.

"Quick, call the docter! Call the ambulance!But first, call our life insurance agent!" Sylvia frantically yelled, running around in a panic.

"WHERES MY HOT DOG!?!?" Bub yelled at his exploded father.

Mr. L gave a cruel smile. Perhaps this trip would be fun after all.

* * *

"Bleh heh heh.... now to eat the sandwich of goodness once more!"

The real Count Bleck was in the Castle Bleck sitting room, eating a sandwich while doing some light reading of the Darkest Hours of the Meta-Universe in the Prognosticus.

"Hey, sli-, er, Count Bleck."

The Count looked up to see Mr. L standing in the doorway.

"Mr. L! Bleck! How goes the construction of the Brobot... inquired Count Bleck."

"Mr. L" scrunched his face. "Er...yeah...whatever that is...um, its going great, slick. But I got a question for you, Count."

The "Green Thunder" stifled a chuckle. "...word on the street is that you got yourself dumped by a chick some time ago. Know anything 'bout that?"

Count Bleck spluttered. "Bl...Ble..B...Where did you hear about that?!?"

"Mr. L" snorted. "Hey, I see this, I hear that, and whatnot. So,why'd she leave you? Was it because you don't have legs?"

Mr. L pointed at the part of the Count's cape where his legs would've been.

"It...she didn't...dump...me..."

"Yeah, tell yourself whatever you need to believe, slick. Its not like appendages are all that, are they? Well, have fun picking up the pieces of your ego."

Count Bleck was left gibbering while his "minion" ran off, cackling gleefully.

* * *

Mr. L stood at the edge of one of the Height's many fountains. He was extremely bored with all the happiness and pleasantries here. Where was all the action?

"L-luigi?"

A small, green toad girl walked up to Mr. L, and looked up at him.

"It's me, Toadia, remember? I'm the secretary of your fan club, a-a-and you answered my trouble, a-a-and...will you marry me?"

She gave a gasp and covered her mouth. "OmigoshIdidntmeantosayTHAT!"

Mr. L looked annoyed. "Hey, you blind or something? The name isn't Luigi, you little nerd. I happen to be..." He spun around quickly and did an action pose. "...the Green Thunder, Mr. L!"

Toadia looked shocked. "B-but...you have the same style of facial hair...the exact same build...your clothes are different, but they're still green. A-are you sure your not Luigi being brainwashed by the secretary of some psychotic man who wants to destroy the universe through sheer heartbreak, or something along those lines?"

Mr. L laughed cruelly. "Listen Ms. Gets-two-different-people-mixed-up, I'm the Green Thunder, not in anyway like that goody-goody 'fraidy cat I keep hearing about. So SCRAM!"

Toadia looked heartbroken. "But...you must be...will you please consider it...because I'll cry if you don't...and I don't think you want to make me..."

Mr. L threw a tomato at her face, and ran off laughing.

* * *

"Hey, you, Yo'Chunks!"

O'Chunks turned around to see Mr. L behind him in the corridor. "Its O'Chunks, ya little beard-tweaker!"

He coughed. He was still hoarse from his most recent punishment of song-singing.

"Whatever, slick, I just wanted to say that you're a complete imbecile."

The burly man scratched his head. "Eh? What does "im-ba-sil" mean?"

"Mr. L" blinked. "Okay then, you have the mental capacity of a quark."

"Say that a 'lil slower."

"Well, then, you're a complete jarhead."

O'Chunks patted his head. "Me noggin is kinda square-ish."

"The Green Thunder" stared. "Slick, I could probably outright call you a dummy and you wouldn't get it."

"What'ya mean by "dummy?" Like in them there auto's I hear they like to crash?"

"Dude, this PRICELESS! All your bases are belong to us!"

"Eh?"

"Your power is zip. Mine is OVER 9000!"

"Wait, slow down, ya 'lil banshee, I can't..."

"OMGWTFBBQ!"

"SHUT THAT YAPPIN' TRAP OF YERS, YA LIL' DING-DONG !" O'Chunks shouted, completely lost at this point, and not happy about it

"Mr. L" ran off as fast as he could, screaming random internet memes as he did so. O'Chunks was confused. And when he was confused, he felt like chunking...

* * *

"So yeah, the Shadow Queen destroyed my body, then Mario beat her. After that, Crump found my head, we came to Poshley Heights, and just sort of...chilled out, I guess."

Mr. L had found Sir Grodus's head, along with Lord Crump and a few random X-Naut soldiers, wondering around Poshley Heights. When Mr. L explained who he was, Grodus went on to talk about his own attempt at conquering the world.

"Ha! You know, that was totally L-ame plan you had there. Count Bleck would've done WAY better than you, ya know. You got betrayed by your own computer, tricked by a frilly princess, and now your just a head. Pathetic."

He pointed at Lord Crump. "You don't have much taste in minions, either. Count Bleck does, because, after all, he picked ME."

Lord Crump looked dolefully at the green man. "Buh. You're lucky I don't have my Magnus von Grapple suit with me. Then they'd have to scrape you off the pavement with a bulldozer. huh huh."

"Face it." Mr. L said. "...you X-jerks aren't competent enough to make breakfast, forget conquering the world."

Grodus's head jumped up and down angrily. "GACK! You dare insult the marvelous Grodus? I might be just a head, but I can assure your total destruction, believe me! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE, GACK ACK ACK! And I DARE you to try and stop me!"

Mr. L picked the metal head up and chucked it into the Poshley Fountain.

The Green Thunder turned to Lord Crump."Hey, Mr. Stupid-laugh, have fun fishing Mr. Chrome-dome over there out. L-ater." And he walked off.

Lord Crump looked left, then right, and stuck his his gloved hand into the fountain, only to quickly draw it out as one of the local Nibbles attempted to bite it off.

"Well, don't know what to do now. Anyone want lunch? I'll buy."

All the X-Naut soldiers raised their hands.

"And with that...POW! I'm hungry!" And he waddled off.

Grodus's submerged head bubbled angrily.

* * *

Nastasia was chewing her pencil eraser..

In the past few weeks, expenses had nearly tripled, and as the secretary, she was the one who was forced to maintain financial balance in the Castle Bleck budget. It had caused many sleepless nights for her, along with a rise in blood pressure, unhealthy weight loss, and overall crankiness.

And it was all Mr. L's fault. Him and his stupid robot. Why, if that little green monstrosity dared to show his masked face right no, she just might...

"Hey, sweetcheeks."

Snap. Went her pencil.

"Yeah, go way, k? I'm really...really...busy..." She spat the last word out like it was nasty-tasting grape.

"Aw, come on slick, I just wanted to chat." "Mr. L" said slyly.

"There is is absolutely nothing you can say that will make me notice you after this sentence, k?"

She went back to writing out her reports.

"Mr. L" grinned nastily. "Heard on the grapevine you got the hots for the Count."

Snap. Went her mind.

She whipped her head around angrily. "What...did you just...say to me?"

"Mr. L" laughed. "Slick, I know all about your little "crush." In fact, I heard its not so little anymore. Better get out the flowers, theres a wedding to be had!"

Nastasia wanted to tell the man in green that he was an idiot. That he was a lying twit who had to make stories up to bring others down to his level. That if he didn't shut up right now, he would be stabbed with a fountain pen until he started bleeding ink.

Instead, what came out was. "The...esteemed Count...isn't interested...in a relationship...at this moment..."

"Mr. L" chortled. "Well, thats too bad. Pity he likes some dead girl over you..."

_ZAP!_

Nastasia aimed a particularly powerful hypnotic blast at the Green Man, but then suddenly found it barreling right back at her. The blast was so powerful, it knocked her back into the wall, and left her unconscious.

Doopliss laughed, took off his special reflective sunglasses, and seeing no one around, reverted back to his ghostly form.

"Whoo boy, this one is gonna be REAL ticked when she wakes up. Now to go bug someone else and earn those premium channels!"

He laughed again, assumed Mr. L's shape, and went off to do just that.

* * *

"Kolarado?"

"No."

"Rawk Hawk?"

"No."

"Flint Cragley, Cragtrotter?"

Mr. L's tour of Poshley Heights had inevitably landed him in the Poshley Sanctum. Though it was devoid of any interesting art, other than a Crystal Star replica and a large painting, the Green Thunder found that talking to it's keeper, Pennington the part-time detective, the most boring aspect of it all.

Currently, Pennington was attempting to wow Mr. L by guessing his identity. With little to no success.

"Look..." Mr. L said. "I'm a popular boss from an RPG styled series. Need any more hints, Mr. Cant-detect-worth-squat?"

"No, no my dear boy, thats quite enough." The detective assured. "...lets see here...RPG style...Smithy?"

"No."

"General Guy?"

"What?"

"Sephiroth?"

"One day, everyone in this town is gonna wake up and discover what a complete twit you are. I'll just tell you straight, I'm..."

"WAIT!" Pennington suddenly yelled. "RPG boss...popular with fans...affinity for green...uses odd insults...I GOT IT!...I have deduced that you are none other than...."

He paused to let the drum roll in his head build up tension.

"...FAWFUL!"

Mr. L slapped his face. "Do I LOOK like Fawful to you?!?"

"Can you prove that you're NOT Fawful, hmm? Pennington retorted.

In a freak coincidence, Fawful crashed through the Sanctum window.

"I HAVE CHORTLES!" He proclaimed, flying around on his Headgear. He flew over to the fake Crystal Star, and picked it up. "Yes, it is being a Star of Crystal-ness! I shall use it's powers that are great to open the Door of the Thousand Years!I shall have the obtaining of it's treasure! It will be the knife that spreads the butter of Fawful's empire across the fink-rat toast of the world!"

He held up the garnet artifact gleefully. "I GUFFAW UNTIL MY FACE HAS PURPLE!"

"It...it...its Mr. L!" Pennington cried, pointing at Fawful. "Okay, first off, that isn't the real Crystal Star! My good assistant Mario (or was it Luigi?) took the real one. And second, that plan has already been done by the X-Nauts. Can't do the same evil plot twice, you know."

Fawful's face fell. "You have the saying that my plan with the Door of the Thousand Years is mooted by uselessness?"

"That is the correct deduction."

Fawful made an angry face. "I HAVE FURY! I am in anger of having my plan mooted! The chickens of terror must lay the eggs of punishment! I HURT YOUR FACE!"

The furious bean boy threw the fake Star at Pennington's head, thus hurting his face.

With a final "I have fury!", Fawful flew out the Sanctum's smashed window.

Mr. L nearly suffocated through his laughter.

* * *

"Raindrops keep falling on my head, they keep falling..."

Doopliss was in a particularly cheerful mood as he walked down the darkened halls of Castle Bleck. For days, he did nothing but wander the halls of the Castle, irritating the heck out of anyone he encountered, and placing the blame on someone else, two things he absolutely loved to do. Not only that, but he was getting a free cable upgrade out the deal.

Of course, he had to answer to that creepy clown dude every so often, and the whole "Being inside the Void" thing was just spooky, even by Creepy Steeple resident standards. But hey, take what you can get.

The Duplighost then remembered that there was someone in the Castle he had yet to annoy. And there she was, leaning against the corridor wall and playing her DS.

The Duplighost grinned, checked to make sure he was in the right guise, and went for the kill.

"Hey, slick." He said, almost friendly like.

Mimi looked up. "Go away, L, I heard you've been particularly nasty lately, and I'm not in the mood to deal with you now."

"Mr. L" made a sad face. "Aww, how rude of you. Maybe I just wanted to play a game with you."

Mimi raised her brow. "Really?"

"No, you prattling nerd." "Mr. L" sneered.

Mimi, glared, shut off her DS, and retorted. "Well, your a big fat doofus who probably cant find his own big honking nose in front of him."

Doopliss was surprised. The green girl had gone straight from regular retorts to double insults. Clever, but the King of Put-downs was not ready to lose his crown yet.

"You're so dumb, you probably look for the "On" switch when you pick up a book."

Mimi snorted. "You're so ugly, your reflection needs therapy."

"You're so nerdy, Star Trekies steal lunch money from you."

"You're so bad-dressed, fashion designers have posters of you just to keep their egos from inflating!"

Doopliss, impressed by that last one, decided to skip the insults and go straight to impersonations. Perhaps the change in rhythm would throw this brat off.

"Speaking of bad-dressed, this is you." He resisted the urge to change into her shape. "Oh, my name is MIMI, and I LOVE hot guys! I have way too many dresses, and I'm the reason Nordstrom will never go under! If your hot, I want to marry you! My ego is so big, NORAD keeps track of it!"

Mimi rolled her eyes. "Pff, you call that impersonation? THIS is YOU."

_Poof!_

Standing before the disguised Duplighost's eyes was an exact copy of...him. Actually, it was Mr. L, whom he was disguised as.

"My name is Mr. L, have at you! I like green, have at you! My brother is a robot, have at you! I'm a total meanie head, HAVE AT FREAKIN' YOU!"

Doopliss gaped. "H-how did you do that, slick?"

Mimi turned back into her normal form, and looked at Mr. L with confused eyes. "Are you even dumber than I thought? I can shape-shift, REMEMBER?"

All his life, Doopliss had not known a single shape-shifter, not counting other duplighosts, who where so pathetically weak compared to him that he hardly wanted to be associated with them.

But this girl, she could do it...and her power was so well-refined...and she was so good at being childish... just like him. Not to mention she was the most beautiful living thing in the universe, as he just noticed.

Doopliss felt something grow within him. It was warm. It was beautiful. It could only be one thing...

"I love you."

Mimi raised her brow. "What?"

Completely forgetting that he was still in disguise, Doopliss looked at Mimi straight in the eye. "I've never in my whole life met someone as wonderful as you. Your perfect, your beautiful, and I want to be with you for all eternity!"

Mimi backed away. "Okay, L, your being real creepy right now, but I'm warning you, I can be even creepier..."

Doopliss/Mr. L laughed. "I live at the Creepy Steeple, I adore creepy! I'm all about creepy, slick! Just please give me a chance! I'll do whatever it takes to please you! Anything..."

This tore it for Mimi.

_Crack! _

"Wait, what the...?"

_MimMIimiIMImI!_

Doopliss went through all five stages of heartbreak and transcended through all levels of fear within two seconds.

"Eat this, you creep!"

The duplighost, still disguised as the Mr. L, ran away screaming from the nightmarish spider, dodging Rubees and stick legs alike.

* * *

Mr. L was staring out the top floor story of his hotel. Watching the sunset.

It had been a fun time in the Heights much to his surprise. He had caused much trouble and grief for all who lived there.

Tomorrow was his last day before he was to return to the Castle. The Green Thunder looked longingly up into the sky, where the Void, his home, laid.

Mr. L realized that he was homesick. He missed the dark halls of Castle Bleck, and working on his Brobot, serving the Count, the purple background of the Void...

"...and even those lousy junior minions." He realized. They might not be as competent as him, but they where all united for the same purpose: to serve the mighty Count Bleck. And for this, they deserved at least ALMOST as much respect as he did.

"Thats it, I'm going home, and I'll apologize to all of them for how I've treated them!" He declared. Then he grinned. "But I've got one last thing to do first..."

The next morning, the residents of Poshley Heights woke up to three discoveries: The mysterious masked man in green had disappeared into the night, someone had wrote "To L with you all!!" in green spray paint on the side of the Excess Express, and that Pennington really was a complete twit.

"DOCTER OCTAGONAPUS, BLAAAAGH!"

"Ah ha ha ha ah ha ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ha ha ha ah ha ha ah ha ha ha ah ha ha ha! My, what a fine fellow, randomly killing people with his lazer! I simply MUST learn the art of, how is called...? Shoop da Whoop."

"Psst...slick..."

Dimentio looked up from the computer screen with a grin. He saw a Red Magiblot.

"Ah, Doopliss, my shape-shifting friend, is that you?"

"No, its your mother, slick. Of course its me!"

_Poof! _The duplighost went back to his normal shape.

"Alright, you jerk, I did what you wanted. I had to take up another disguise, they where so ticked." He looked at Dimentio straight in the eyes. "And you could have warned me about the green chick, with the whole spider thing, and those flying rocks, and...pretty eyes...lovely hair..."

Doopliss made a face that suggested he was remembering something both wonderful and painful at the same time. Then he quickly regained his composure. "Anyway, you gotta keep your end of the bargain now, slick. Wheres my free cable?"

Dimentio laughed, then snapped his fingers.

"Ah ha ha, there. Your precious television has been upgraded, like a spouse who has who has suddenly become more attractive! All the channels you could ever hope for!"

"Including HBO?"

"Of course."

"And I won't have to pay for it?"

"Not a coin." He waved his arms. "And now I say to you, ciao, and enjoy!" He snapped his fingers, and the duplighost was sent back to Twilight Town.

He paused for a moment, before secretly adding "Enjoy your television while there is still a universe to watch it in."

Then his sensed the Castle Bleck front doors opening.

He grinned maliciously. "Ah, and so the victim returns." And teleported away.

* * *

"So that creepy child-stalker is at the Foyer?" Mimi angrily asked.

"Ah ha, that is the thing I just said, yes."

Count Bleck, and all his minions, minus Mr. L, where gathered at the meeting place where Dimentio had summoned them to announce something important.

O'Chunks stomped angrily. "Well, lets CHUNK THAT PUNK! He's tweaked me beard one too many times ter get off THIS hook!"

Nastasia coughed intrusively. "Ahem, if I might interrupt, as angry as we are at Mr. L, our policy clearly states that we may NOT resort to physical punishments so long as the Count is around."

Count Bleck gazed at his secretary "Very good, Nastasia....praised Count Bleck. That is indeed our policy. No physical punishment so long as Count Bleck is around." He made a slightly sickened face as he remembered Mr. L's behavior and intrusion of his privacy.

"And now, Count Bleck must go...somewhere NOT AROUND here...hinted Count Bleck."

And with that, he flipped out into some random dimension, Dark Prognosticus in tow.

The group was silent for a moment, until O'Chunks said exactly what was on everyone's minds: "Lets get chunkin'."

Mr. L was walking through the darkened halls of Castle Bleck, looking for his fellow minions. He thought out exactly how he intended to apologize to them for his earlier behavior towards them, calling them "junior minions" and whatnot. He also decided that, so long as the others treated him with respect, he would do the same to them. After all, they where all in this "Prognosticus" business together, right?

"THERE HE IS!" Someone shouted.

Then, to his surprise, he saw a group consisting of O'Chunks, Nastasia, and Mimi running towards him.

He waved and called out to them. "Hey, hey guys! Listen, I wanted to apolo-"

He never got the chance to finish, for he was too busy getting the snot beat out of him.

* * *

In the darkness, an invisible figure watched the punishment with glee.

He laughed as O'Chunks slammed the Green Thunder into the wall, and deliver him a serious beating. He chuckled as Mimi throttled the poor man with her stick arms. And he was tickled pink as the the frustrated Nastasia jabbed him with various office supplies.

Hovering next to him, the Prank List gained one last check on it's last name, before fading away.

With his fun over, Dimentio, unseen hovered off to return to cold, cruel, and world-ending business

* * *

Mario suddenly paused, right before the three heros and multiple Pixls where about to open a hard-earned chest in Flipside.

"Whats wrong Mario?" Tippi the Pixl asked.

Mario blinked. "Its the-a strangest thing, but I-a get the-a feeling that-a some-a-where, some-a-how, Luigi is-a getting beat up."

Everyone stared at him.

Then he jumped up cheerfully. "But what-a-ever, lets-a see whats-a in this-a here chest! I-a bet its a new Pixl-a!"

"Oh, maybe it's a rare Catch Card!" Peach offered.

"Gwa ha ha! Or maybe its a Triple Gold Bar!" Bowser added gruffly.

"Well, lets open it and find out!" Tippi replied.

So Mario stuck the key in, unlocked the chest, and opened it.

The Heros leaned in close to see what the treasure was, and then...

"DOCTER OCTAGONAPUS, BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

Everything went white.

**

* * *

**

A/N: Ah ha! Twist ending! DOCTER OCTAGONAPUS, FTW! Well, that takes care of Dimentio's pranking business, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Until next time, ciao!


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